After a really temper crash I go talk to an expert. Fortunately I met someone who are really expert and know what she is doing.
Long story short. I happened to re-organize my organized mind. Sounds funny huh? My mind is well organized. I know the day the time. I can plan well whether itinerary or party. I am able to remember details of the past and the future. I can read body language, predict the future by present analysis, read the chart and graphs and reflecting data into reality. That’s how my mind works. All the times.
But, that’s also the situation when I caught like always on my tiptoe. The expert said she felt a strong feeling that I always on my tiptoe. Like the soldier in the gate that always ready for enemy’s attack. I dig a deep trench between me and the enemy, draw a strong lines between me and other people. People get the impression that I am distant. But, in reality I was always in war mode. Never relax never feel at ease.
I found that it is the truth. Never in my life I feel at ease. My life is like living in the sea. Every now and then the wave is carry me here and there. Sometimes the wave is big, sometimes bigger, and sometimes even bigger. Sometimes storm, sometimes very hot. Only like few days in a year I feel happy under the big blue sky enjoying the blue water.
Then I got a beautiful advise. Shut the brain. My brain who are thinking, speculating, calculating and do analytical thinking to all, to situation, to problem, to people and all the world should be shut. Use the heart to follow the right path and right approach.
How difficult it is to shut the brain? Difficult. Brain should be following what the boss heart said. Boss heart now being bossed by brain and brain should be put in the right place. What a theory. But I found that applying this weird theory into practice is more interesting as there is not boundaries nor edge or limit of when I should start or stop.
Stop the brain makes me think less. Perhaps this is really what I need. More than being slower from the fast mover.