Dear Diary

For many years in my life I wrote a diary.  I started it when I was still 14 years old.  I like to buy a nice writing book, sometimes with colors in its different pages and with a perfume scent.  Sometimes I buy those with a lock on it.  

I wrote about my daily life.  What to do on that day, who I meet, what the weather and usually what special.  As a teenager I have some close friends that shared our story of boy that we like.  That’s certainly things that I wrote.  In the school we have some teacher that we don’t like.  That’s also something worth to write.  Complaints about tests and disagreements with parents are some others that usually written down. 

Twenty years after that I re-read the diary and got confused myself.  I wrote: Tropper did pass by but nobody noticed but me.  Wait a second, what is or who is tropper?  Geez. 

During my busy high-school days, the entry is more like a report that an expression of feelings.  Things like: piano practice, group homework, flag-bearer group practice, prepare this and that is more likely to be written.  There are no entry about boys or party.  I realize that my high-school days are too much too busy with study with only less of freedom to be a common teenager. Blame my high school that was intended only for the geniuses. 😛 

My university days are hectic.  I could tell from the number of books that I kept.  I usually have one book for one year, but during my university days, I kept around six books for four years.  I sometimes wonder to myself, was it true that I was that busy? From study, to piano practices, to drama practices, to singing practices, to student organization, natures lovers organization, this and that organization to skipped class, movie together and party?  Almost no idle time.  But I can tell that those are the best time when I can enjoy sleep.  Those the only time I never stayed late to study and I suffer no insomnia at all. 

After university I keep one book for a year.  But these time, the entry is kindda too short. 300 pages only filled less than half of it.  I started to write my feelings again, not my routine agenda.  Those are times when I spoke a lot with God, asking Him direction to my undecided life.  What to expect from a fresh graduate who doesn’t really study?  I got A not because I study hard but mostly because I was luckily bright enough better than half of people in my class.  I learned that my major and my interest are different  But what to do after I got a degree? 

I stopped writing diary about 5 years ago.  The box where I kept my diary books are getting larger time to time and eventually insufficient anymore.  I started this blog.  I don’t write my daily agenda, but more to my feeling and my opinion.  I felt better this way.  

I changed from a busy growers that have a lot of activities during my teenager time and a fastmover who keep change direction and learn something new during my twenties and thirties to be a wiser person wish for a miracle. 

I don’t run from one event to others now.  I don’t slicing my time to different organization or commitments now.  I don’t change office or profession anymore now, though I still tempted to do so, sometimes.  

I don’t easily get angry now and more flexible to critics.  I am slow to speak *even slower than usual* and think more than twice at every conversation.  I feel wiser and be a real grown up now. 

But then I realize that I still want to keep a diary.  A nice -scented book.  But now, I don’t know what to write. Ah.

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