My Life Is Not Mine

My friend, Santy, came to Indonesia for a holiday. She spent six weeks in Jakarta and some others city like Yogyakarta and Bali. During that six weeks, I only got a chance to see her three times.  Once, when she visit the office, we went for a lunch together.  Then, another time when we have another lunch out of the office, and last was today, when she dropped by just to say goodbye. She was too busy with her family and relatives to visit or to spend-time-with.

Sometimes ago, when my friend came to visit, after a long time no see and only spend a few hours with me, I might upset.  How a friendship last and valuable if we could not spare a good time with friends? But now, I get wiser. Ha. Knowing that our life, somehow, is not fully ours to some expands.

Have me as an example. To now, I almost never say yes to anything in Saturday and Sunday unless it is very important,  realize that those only days when I could spent all day time with my family.  Lately, I also got a feeling that our life is not ours even on Saturday and Sunday, since there will be churches activities to lead and to attend. ~~we learned that when we choose not to attend just because a practical reasons, somehow people will think that we’re not doing our job as a pastor. By the way, who is the pastor anyway?~~

Back to the topic. Then to some edge, my life is not mine.

Though what I like to do is working in some other institution enable me to think and be creative, I work in this office where my mental bullied. Though what I like is going around the nation and somehow the world to explore, I save my money for the happiness of my husband who wants to see something real as an asset. I save my time for him and the congregation thinking that will be the best to show them that I care for them.

What else that means than that I am no longer own my life myself?

A painful though made me wants to have an amnesia.

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