Ever watch the series MONK? A series tell stories about a super genius detective with a strange habit. He never touched anything before wipes his hands several times or wash it completely whole. Obsessed to cleanliness that is? Or maybe over-hygiene? Or could be phobia to germs?
This lately I got a feeling that I might get what he got. The obsession I mean, not germs.
For some years I keep a paradigm that I need a maid. Who is going to be the domestic queen? Me? Owh, my schedule is full. 5am till 10pm. Work, work, fitness centre, mall, café, work and repeating. If I still have to do domestic chores, I might get to bed at midnight every day.
Seven to ten years ago, I hired a stay-in maid. Fully responsible to three times meal provision a day, two times cleaning, one time laundry and ironing, and other duties as directed by the supervisor. ~sound like a formal work contract, huh?~ Two to three ears ago, I hired a freelancer. She will come in the morning and off after the chores done. Fully responsible for cleaning, laundry, ironing but cooking will be optional.
Recently this paradigm I changed myself. I started to think that those domestic responsibilities I can do myself. My son is not a baby anymore and he could help himself on his routine tasks. So, I don’t hire a maid anymore.
I woke up at 5am Sunday-Friday. A good one hour before I picked up. By taxi to the office during weekdays and by friend to the market on Sunday. That precious hour I use to prepare food for breakfast and lunch for the three of us. Set of vegetable, rice and fish/chicken will take away by me and my son. That precious hour sometimes I used to run the washing machine as the laundry bag filled. I somehow worry if it will be full that means I have to run the machine twice instead of once as a practical method. So I always keep the running level to everyday. That precious hour also my time to prepare myself for the office. To shower, put on some make-up and tidy my crazy curly hair. Sometimes that little hour I also do change the bed-sheet and wrap the covers. In my head, I want everything tidy and neat when I leave it.
Then as the time going I can tell that I somewhat changed.
I can not stop myself to run the washing machine twice a day instead of once as a regular level. Seeing three or four piece of clothes inside the laundry bag already made me nervous. I wish it will only one remain or empty at all. I found me unable to stop myself mop the floor three times a day! Morning, afternoon as I arrived home and evening before bed. It wasn’t so dirty but one or two spot in the floor could make me sweep along the whole house. One or two forks made me reach the soap and do dishes. No wonder the house is spotless almost all the time. Stack of magazines kept on the same order though my son’s likely browse through it from time to time. Every sunset I spent time in front of the TV watch a drama while ironing. Stack o f clothing is neatly fix though almost all the time my son carelessly pull from the bottom of it.
After repeating the same chores, again and again. Get a painful effect in my back and less time for leisure. I sit and think. What next? Laundry, check. Water, check. Dishes, check. Fresh food, check. Check, check, check… Hold a second….
I might obsessed. Obsessed to a perfection. An un-healthy perfection.
Remember that I tagged myself: “A fastmover who wants to do things slowly!” or “A busygrowers who change her orbital!” Once in my life I realized that I was speeding too much too fast. I was busily filled with schedule, travel, meeting, occasion, work, chores, practice and many other things. It was good if I did not forget that I need hold back, see what happen surround me and enjoy the sky above me. But I did ignorance then. Chasing the shadow of a perfect image and proudly think I need to be perfect. Good that I realized the situation before it became worse. That’s why I create the taglines. To remind myself.
When think I need to be perfect and I can, I certainly became obsessed. I then rigidly avoid any critics and unable to take advise. I want everything stand to m standards and less flexible to other’s weakness. Tell me what if after I have my floor mop then people with dirty feet came and left spots on it? I might angry at them. Create conflict. Stress.
Owh. Okay. Let the laundry sit there for a while. What’s the point of spotless floor? The pile won’t kill me, right?