It is very true when you heard the says: Teach the children well, treat them nice and be careful of what you say or do to them, because they remember all!
I clearly remember my childhood. Which is quite ironic because I forgot most of my university and after. There are some people that I must know add me in the facebook but I was failed to remember them. Approve them because I know they must known me well and I knew all of our mutual friends. 😦
I can not tell that my childhood was the best. There are time when I cried because I was too ashamed to be involved in something that I actually want to. Once in kindergarten class, I cried because I want to go in the line but I was too ashamed and has no brave to get along. I wished the teacher took me, but she didn’t ~~of course, she had no idea that I would be that shy~~ The feeling killed me. I ended up has no friends. Not popular. Not happy.
Many times in my elementary years people treated me as a troublemaker. I was not too naughty, means though sometimes I was rebel it was not something to make the teachers called my parents. But I experience a lot of rejection particularly when I want to be part of a play. I had to admit that I was not athletic. For among four students run, I would be the number four. Still, I don’t think it is okey to let aside of me just because of that. There are another play that need a smart tactics more than being fast runner. When I appeared to be the second winner to poetry reading, nobody applaused. When I want to join a team, I will rejected. I was then making friends with some other kids that is not popular.
So, there are times when I think about my life and what I want. The ideas came at my sixth grade, when I was 12 years old. I want to be someone better, and from that time I change. No more rejection, and if there is, it wasn’t me rejected but me reject them!
But let me ask a question now. I am still shy, until now. I saw a lot of children now, but rarely found anybody that is as shy as me thirty five years ago. Why I was so shy?
Raising children needs more than just age. Being in a sufficient age to have children doesn’t makes human able to raise a child right. When I was working in community development field, I could tell that a lot of young women does not only young in their age but also in their maturity. They can be pregnant but unable to feed their child with a balance nutrition. They could have three or four children but unable to play with them.
As a child I need more than just an order to eat, to sit or to sleep. I also need more than somehow love to feed me and provide me with enough education. I need love beyond those that able to see my weakness and able to sit with me to talk about it and get it over and able to see the new me.
The failure to had all those resulting in what people could see me now. The shadow of my insatisfaction still on my way and everytime. I hardly become easy to error and tough to myself. I let no mistake on my way and no defect on my character ~~which is so impossible to be~~ I could not be so close even to my own parents and hardly forgive them for what they did wrong to me. I still under the umbrella of my mom sharp tongue that slicing my heart at anytime when she critizes me. Even if now I am much wiser and know that more than half that she did to me was wrong and half what she said to me was not right, I could not easily forgive her. A pattern of being unhappy child repeated each time and everytime without an end.
I know many of people in my small world would say that I am lucky enough. Well, that might be true. But, I write this definitely not to ask back for those missing years. I wish anybody read this eventually if they are parents to be more carefully educate their children. Raise a health child, physically and mentally. Don’t raise a shy child like who was like an ugly duckling turned into (imperfect) swan!