A friend add me to her fb then chat me: “Hey Annie, remember me? I am Bebek?” Wow, no way I could forget her. She is my first friend in the University. I was staying in her house once when I applied for overseas universities back in year 1990. When I didn’t have any money but I need to buy a book, she lent me. I remember one time, we set a trap for our head of dormitory. The maam was searching around on saturday night to finding some students who were dating in some weird place ~~haha means those bushes or so~~. She found us that share a headphone to a walkman player sat under one tree. ~~back then, my hair was cut short and I did look like a boy~~ Maam was yelling at us thinking that Bekka was with her boyfriend. Haha…gotcha!
She was a very nice friend. Living in US for about 15 years now. Eversince she left, I hardly known anything about her. Thank you for fb now I am connected again. She just got married about a year and now she is having her first baby.
My first question after all how-are-you things is: tell me why you are so strong and keep going until you got married in age 36?
For most Indonesian, 36 is a very mature age for get married. People here usually marry someone before they reach age 30. I can tell that the culture here is not so friendly for a single woman. Take my mom as an example. Since I left the university ~~I was only 22~~ the only one and only question she ever asked whenever we met were: when will you get married? She doesn’t care if I was sick or have kind of problem with my life. She was busy matchmaking different outstanding man ~~to her standard~~ with me. I really think that was a tough time. I hardly spoken with her for sometime because of that.
Whenever I attended a family gathering, the only and one question is: when will you get married? When I gathered with old friends, they always want an update: when will you get married? Again and again.
This particular culture makes the girl somewhat not comfortable with themselves and makes some of them think that they will not able to be happy without get married. If the prince charming on white horse don’t come to their door at age 30, they just pick a best choice even though he was not the man in their dream. These girls risk themselves to many problems. Some of the problems appear after the wedding day. Later they know that their man is abusing in physical or mentally. Later they know that their in-laws are nightmare. Later they realized what looked like a solution was actually a gate to a bigger life’s obstacle. But some problems are always at their hands. Many many many girls that I knew converted their religion!
You can always tolerate, talk and compromize of eating, sleeping, working or hygiene’s habits in a marriage, but not religion. Religion is principal. When you choose to convert, it is the principal of your life that you change. It is the main way of life that you change. Some people do need to convert, after they study and seek the right. But, particularly not because a girl so miserably afraid of not finding a husband!
For me, that is amazing how Rebekka was able to handle to that principal without a tendency to change it, with a risk that she might delayed in get married. God is so good to her, gave her a wonderful good husband, an elder to a church in Ontario. She told me that she believe what she belief and that is all! Nothing in this world could change her trust in God, even a man and a marriage! Her belief makes her strong and keep going.
I remember my friend Grace, a colleague in year 1998. Once, she was dating a man. They had a different beliefs. Our friends teased Grace during our lunch, saying: “Hey Grace, just convert, it will be easier, you would find any man you like.” Grace was older by about 5 years than me, and I know that is tough for her. She was not saying anything just clear her throat and sang. Clearly in the dining room so everybody could hear: I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, No turning back. It was not the Jesus thing that I would like to highlight. Her braveness to stand on her own belief that is. It is rare, and it is something that I do appreciate in her. Later, five years after that Grace get married in the church she is belief.
I still have some friends that struggling around me. Just stand still pals, God is preparing a best blessing for you..