Softly & Slowly

A fast-mover who successfully do her things slowly!

Struggle

Sometimes ago, I visit Batam island.  My brother was assigned there at that time. He took me to an island near called Galang.  Galang was a place where refugee from Vietnam stays. They run from their country in wooden boats. See the remains of the refugee camps and hear their story makes me want to come to Vietnam. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galang_Refugee_Camp )

I went to Hanoi.  I found the city is easy, the people are slow, though the traffic is crazy. Motorcycle everywhere and we unable to tell where they are going.  To cross the street, I might just close my eyes and walk.  But hey, I am not going to tell you about the city.  I want to tell you about myself!

After some nights, I realized that I feel a homesick.  I want to go home.  I call home and hear my husband answer.  When I was telling him my date to be home, he bit upset.  He expects me to be home earlier that that settled date.

I wish too.  But, I haven’t got every storm sweep away from my heart.

I was thinking that this is only about me and me and me and me.  I think a lot about a future me in the same office, or a future me in another office. I play a role-play in my head what to say and what to do in a different situation in the office.  I list hundred of things to think or to do if  I feel not satisfy with the situation.  I still counting alternatives, resign or stay, resign or stay with hundred benefit or loss to consider.

My husband then made me realize that it is also about me and my family.  Me and him.  There are a lot of things unsettle in 9years of our marriage.  I know it. In my journey, I saw people together.  Boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife.  They enjoyed the trip together while I was on my own. They stay in a room together while I was on my own.  I suddenly feel so lonely. I sat alone in the deck of the boat and enjoy the beautiful scenery of hundred limestone in the the quiet and peaceful Ha Long Bay.  God might send the big flood to kill all living other then Noah and his family, yet, He doesn’t let the beauty of His creation faded even.  When feel the wind, sleep through the cold night and witness the beauty of the Bay, I realized one thing.  I know I made wrong decisions and my life is not like what I expected, yet God won’t let the beauty of His love in me faded. Surely.

Then,  I understand, I think too much about myself.  Too much of  too much! I don’t really realize that my life is now involved another half of me.  I am so sorry.  God gave me a care and understanding person to be my soul-mate, but all these years I just ignored his needs.

One of my battle down.  I am happy to get the knowledge and very willing to fix it.

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