A My Own Me

While I think this kind of matter won’t haunted me evermore, it then struck again.  Painfully hit my ego. 

Many years ago, a same person told me that I need to change. If I didn’t I won’t be success in my life. I decided to believe her, and tried to follow her advises.  Then, I found out times after times after, that being a person who is not me was not a wise choice to live a life.  I definitely won’t be able to change myself to be someone might delightfully to some others, but certainly is not me. I won’t be happy to be jaim all the way, and losing my own unique given personality.  Then, I decided to surrender just my life to God, let Him choose, let Him change, if He likes to.

I was very happy to be myself.  Some people I met on my way doesn’t like me much and they complained. What I learnt then is to accept the fact that I don’t need everybody to love me, because I won’t love everybody indeed.  I learnt to accept differences as something natural.  I tend to see matters in facets, might be from my view, then from other view, and from many others view.  When people complained, it might be something good to listen, but in my experiences it was just a sign of unmaturity of the person to accept differences between us.

Say it this way. I heard a looottt of complaints that I am not smiley.  Before, I was thinking much to keep sane to remember that I have to smile.  Do you think it is works?  Definitely not!  I am a dreamer, tend to observe and think much.

Before, I thought that I am the worst person ever created in this world and in this life.  My mom, and some other influential person in my life keep emphasized that fact and exposed it to me.  It need about twenty years for me to find my own me.  I found my friends, a true friend who doesn’t care of my weakness but happily shared their life with me. I found my soulmate, a true one who easily loves me just what I am.  I build my networks and my facebook.  People might complained, but I know who I am, and I decided not to care on any of those complaints.  Now, I feel as equal as others.  Being smiley is not a big deal for me anymore.

I met those people who are not smiley, not nice, and witty.  Yet I know that even if I seen them that way, they have their own circle of friends, and might had someone who loves them.  The witty might be not cheerful but so generous, and the not nice might be dry but honest.  When another person who is smiley might be a corruptor and another nice person might be a drunker. What would you take as a friend? A generous me who is not smiley, or a smiley woman with tendency to cheat on you or gossiping you around?

Few days ago, I heard the same person say the same line: If you don’t change, you won’t be success.  Before, I treasured it as a good advice, now I put it away as crap.  Before, I saw her as a friend, now I saw her as a person who unable to deal with differences.  Before, I treasured our relationship, now I am ready to dump it of no used anymore.


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