Discussion about the nature of the job were being floating like in the ocean for some months.   I was not being a productive person in these last two years.  That is hurt me much. Get directly to my self-confidence and to my existence as a person.  From a happy contented person I jump freely to be a cynical grumpy employee.  Last summer, I was thought that I could resist the situation some more time.  Until things settled. But now, I know I won’t be able to resist even one more day. So, I go to talk to my boss. Before, my supervisor talked for me.  Now, I am going and talk myself.

After I told him of my honest feelings. He shows sympathy. He understands. I know he is. Being demoralized by the nature that I don’t have things to do, but I still have to keep my daily mood to be productive and happy.  Being challenge to a situation when people doesn’t respect me and think that I am useless, is not a well office-life to live.

What interested to me in that conversation is when I highlight of my feeling with the HR offices, he laughed and said: “Well, you are not the only one who kind have that complaints.”  I want to ask why, but I kind of understand that other people might also gave kind same feedback to him.  I told him why I looks so light when about help with any curriculum office matter, and burdened when it is about the HR’s things.  My colleagues in curriculum office are friendly.   Whenever I help them with a thing, they will say: Thank you. It is simple, somehow I couldn’t tell the sincerity. But it is a magic word that works.  180 degree different with the HR people, who put their hands 10 centimeters up their head and said: “Well, we expect you this height, but you achieve this height” and move their hands to waist level, after I surrender my lunch time to meet their tight deadlines.

I supposedly matured enough not to be influenced by their behavior. But bit by bit, as the time passed, what I could ignored now get to my skin. Fifteen years ago, I was challenged by the same situation, same office, different people, yet same results. I was losing my self confidence and unable to trust my mind myself.

Boss told me that in the future, our office won’t be in the same location with the HR.  Like that plan can comfort me, with situation that they will close my position once the new office established? I still thinking why he tells me that.


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