I got a feeling that my past are coming back like the waves of the ocean.  They never go far actually, they are still there, and now they are waving to the shore. To me.

For several years, from 2000 to now, I feel lost. Like I suddenly reach age 30 when I was born. With a marriage life, child, no friends, office and church politics as my world.  Links to my own me has broken.  Many nights I restlessy unable to sleep in searching of what anchoring me to myself.  Finding new friends is not easy as when I was younger.  I started to be very careful in look of one’s personality, before able to bond myself in a friendship.  Curiosity is permissive way of my inability to trust people.  Life become sour.  Flat. Bitter. 

As my friends gather for high school reunion, I started to feel some me back. Realize that I won’t be able to be whole without my past. My past is a story, it is telling me that I was someone, with some history.  I was in some different places, and part of some different scenes.  When we rebond again, I know that I will safely reach the other end of this lake.

I met Anggi when we were still in Middle School.  We connected through the walkway outside Taman Lalu Lintas ~~a children playground~~ where we walk along two times a day. From home to school, and from school to home. Then, we went to the same high school made another three years walk along same steps.  When we were there, I don’t further think that I will treasure those time last in my memory.  I just enjoy it.

I and Anggi became more closer as time passed. We also walk another Bandung’s walk. We save our money while we treasure our friendship in shared stories while we walked. Many years after we parted, I google around to find her.  Thanks God that my search come to a result ~~credited to another old friend kindness~~  She is now live far.  First time I received her email, I was really really happy. A feeling that I don’t feel many times lately.

I met Angel when we were in third grade in Middle School.  She was a honorable student. I adore her because she is sooo smart. Our friendship then grew as we went to the same high school.  Together with Anggi. When I and Anggi easily become closer because we shared our passion to piano, music and books,  I have to reach out high to Angel’s level of intelligence.  Strange, she can accepted me just as I was…. I miss her much of her patience. Knowing that she lived close now ~~Cikampek, another town, but I count it close~~ raise my level of happiness being able to find a friend.

Lately, my high school friends really like to gather around.  Every once a week, another gathering posted. Do they have the same feeling as me? Because found old friends, or meet new friends? Because want to build the network, as a success yuppy should have? I like to attend some, in a feeling that many years ago, I was part of the group. I was someone, a person, a living creature.  A free human, not an inferior yet curious personality.

My past is not far. So is myself. I just need to reach some more. It is not far.


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