Act Like a Mom

My sister in-law sighed and raised her voice, “You know what, mami is never act like a mom!”  During our 30-minutes phone conversation, she poured out her dissatisfaction.  I completely understand of her feeling.

I had to agree that my mom was not the best. She failed to be a friend to me (and to other 3 of 5 children of her), now and then.  She pushed us to edges. I dissapointed a lot when realize the situation many years ago.  On mothers day, the mailing list I subscribed-to filled with a thankful and love-filled note of grateful people to their moms.  Myself unable even to write a thank you.  Too bitter.

Seeing her now bring a thought to me.  For years, I had been hesitated to have another child.  Think that I am happy with our small family and contented with the situation of one child only.  I had to admit that my hesitant contributed also of the difficult pregnancy I experienced then. But now, I see the problem more clear. I am so afraid not to be able to raise my children appropriately.  Not only the matter of fed them and put them to good school, but to nurture them well emotionally. I don’t want to raise another generation that had an emotional problem like me, as I don’t want to have a child who turn to unable to respect me of their bitterness toward me. 

I want my child(ren) to be happy to have me as their mom, and proud of it.  I want to be a very good friend to them and be able to treasure our laugh and our times as more precious than jewels.

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