My sister in-law sighed and raised her voice, “You know what, mami is never act like a mom!” During our 30-minutes phone conversation, she poured out her dissatisfaction. I completely understand of her feeling.
I had to agree that my mom was not the best. She failed to be a friend to me (and to other 3 of 5 children of her), now and then. She pushed us to edges. I dissapointed a lot when realize the situation many years ago. On mothers day, the mailing list I subscribed-to filled with a thankful and love-filled note of grateful people to their moms. Myself unable even to write a thank you. Too bitter.
Seeing her now bring a thought to me. For years, I had been hesitated to have another child. Think that I am happy with our small family and contented with the situation of one child only. I had to admit that my hesitant contributed also of the difficult pregnancy I experienced then. But now, I see the problem more clear. I am so afraid not to be able to raise my children appropriately. Not only the matter of fed them and put them to good school, but to nurture them well emotionally. I don’t want to raise another generation that had an emotional problem like me, as I don’t want to have a child who turn to unable to respect me of their bitterness toward me.
I want my child(ren) to be happy to have me as their mom, and proud of it. I want to be a very good friend to them and be able to treasure our laugh and our times as more precious than jewels.