I feel like dreaming.  Back to the office, but my head and my mind were not here.  I left the office at 4pm on Monday two weeks ago, ahead the airport, to catch the flight to Medan.

It was started with a call.  I thought it was Jeremi who had another fight and reported to me in a sob-mix-talk-mix-cry.  It was not Jeremi, it was Hiras.  Told me that my father in-law passed away.

I was shocked, indeed.  Hiras and Bapak were talked to each other less than two hours before, to prepare his travel to Medan for a better treatment.  I myself not too seriously responded to the fact that he has been seriously ill for a while.  He was asking us to buy him a motorcycle, and we cancelled our trip to Sumatra to be able to give him some money for that.  Nothing seem dangerous or urgent or what.  I was not aware…

I booked flight for us, and Hiras packed at home.  At our arrival in Pematang Siantar, I know that the packing works were not correctly done.  Hiras packed nothing for me other than a kebaya.  He also packed the wrong ulos.  He must be very nervous. 

Then, I experience full-day dreaming.  Money went out from our pocket like flood.  We had to pay the catering, the tent, chairs, ulos, coffin, flower, clothes, cars, music and many more.  We just can’t say no.  We had to go forward, pay here and pay there, flowing the money that we’ve been save for few years.

I was kept in shocked-mode for quite a time.

The neighbour not willing to help without any payment ~~they asked money just to do dishes. ~~I myself will voluntarily do dishes, if that is the best thing I could show my condolences~~  They asked money for cooking, which I also considered as unbelievable things.  The vendors gave us mark-up-price for everything.  I suddenly lost my patient and my manner.  I was no longer say thank you.

Those people called themselves relative, but asking us money.  Why in the world they had to ask money for their presence in the occassion? Isn’t the one who lay in the coffin is their relative?  Don’t they supposedly give us something to show their sympathy? I just not able to understand the situation. 

The days passed in dreaming-mode.  Going from one place to another place, visit one place to another place, one relative to another relative, sleep for few hours in the night, and consume mostly meat, makes the experience.

I certainly want to visit my in-law house, but I was not expect will visit for his funeral. I certainly would be happy to be in Hiras’s home, but I was not expect will be there in kind of  sad-and-confuse situation. I was not in a very good relationship with my in-law, but sure I was not expect to lost him like this.


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