“When will Jeremi has a brother?” For this lately few years, I felt so disturbed by those kind of questions. Families, church members, friends, neighbours etc.
Most made me upset is the comments: “Why you took so long time, give him a sibbling so the tiredness over.” Tiredness over…yeah, in matter that it will be me (underline, bold) that will tired??? I can not accept those kind of argumentation and can not understand why those people never try to see from other’s shoes. Not everybody in this world as them.
Another comments made me want to throw a stone: “One child make him selfish!” It might be true, but let me ask you this question: Those people that was not the only children was no selfish?
One day, in a church sermon for home and family, the pastor ~~Among~~ discuss about child education. He made a remark at the end of his speech that children is gift from God. After that, a church member ~~man, 50s~~ say: “Pastor’s wife been touched to add.” Of course what he means is add a child, not food. That was something that made me feel that they blame me of not having another family member.
Is it true? I do want another child. I dont mind to have 10 or 11 children. In few years after Jeremi born, I do tell people that I dont want to have a child. That is not because I dont love children, but, that because I experience bad things during pregnancy and delivering time.
Fact that I then work in community development for maternal and infant health makes me realize how cruel is man and the community to let the women pregnant agan and again, having child years to years without let them have break and even without helping them when they sick. Experience the situation where no health worker around, no maternal care available was not something could made you change your mind. Eventually, I advise the pregnant mothers to seek a childbirth control through midwife, for the sake of their own life and their children’s. I saw many many children suffer malnutrition of the lack of care of their mothers, and due to un-safe pregnancy and birth that they experience.
I have my own reason others than what I describe above. First, I am a dynamic fastmovers. Pregnancy made me has to slow down. But, while I slow down the world around me keep its pace. I dont want to left behind, and I get frustrated. My first pregnancy really really problematic with repeat bleeding month to month that force me to take bedrest. I just can not think of go through those phase again.
Second, I like to be taken care during sick time. Among was not a man like that. At the beginning of our marriage he will advice me: Just sleep you will get better, following the medical school in BDB ~~name of his village~~. When I was pregnant, I want somebody buy me good food, boil me hot water for bath, and etc…..the reality was not as beautiful as that. One day we got guest, Among’s family that still young and not pregnant. While I was busy cooking and washing dishes, those family just chit chat and eat what I cook ~~without even ask me to eat with them~~
Some church members somehow asked Hiras for ride to their home. The car has to go through hundreds ~~hiperbol.com~~ of road bump, made the side of my tummy feel painful. What their comments? Ooo…just go to the massaseur, that is a very easy problem. Geee. If Among spend a lot of time home to accompany me ~~which is sick and pregnant~~ they will gave a harsh comment “The pastor doesnt care about us, he is afraid to his wife!” Aaarghhh..
Third, my dynamic soul made me can not handle the feeling of being dependable to the maid. We hire a teenager that was not able to continue her school and willing to take a styling school. We okay to pay her study while she help us on our domestic works. Since the first day of her work, I could see the seeds of problems. Jeremi, that was just brought home from the hospital, wet all cloth-diaper we have. Saturday morning, 07am there were nothing left. When I check to the bathroom, I saw a big piles of the yesterday-diaper has not been washed yet (not even been put into the water and soap). I suddenly felt angry, and put together the water in the basin to wash them. Few minutes after that, my mom came and she become angry to me. “A just-delivering woman should not wash anything! Are you trying to kill yourself? Tell R to do that.” I reported to her the problem. My mom asked the girl why she did not do anything to the clothes. She replied easily: “I did not know that it should be washed, and I think we are not doing it on Saturday.”
Six months she worked in our house with a lot of complaints from me. Many times I had to yell to call her, she did not like to cook and if I tell her to cook she would just boil the instant noodle. She went to the course for a whole day ~~which only schedule for 3 hours~~ My husband once can not stand the tense and ask her the reason, she said she visit her family ~~a whole day and let me do the domestic works she actually responsible to?~~ She was also doesnt care if I had to carry the baby cart myself down from the car each time we went to the church and carry the cart, the baby and others baby needs.
To my experience, find a good maid is a hard work to do. 7 out of 10 maids ever work with me made me crazy other than feel helped. Some only working for two days before resign ~~and kept unhappy face during her stay~~, some others was not understand the meaning of hygiene and sanitation ~~they even never wash their underwear not say their clothes~~ and some others spend time to talk and date more than doing work.
Fourth ~~gee~~ the labor itself. I was not pointing the pain but the behavior of the nurses and midwifes. The midwifes was rudely push their hand to my private part. It was not only a physical pain but also mental pain. Maybe that the cause of lots women prefer to have their doctors ~~which is men and never experience labor~~ to be around during labor others than the midwifes ~~which is women and experience labor~~.
My other concern was, after my baby was born the nurse separate us suddenly and gave him formulated milk. So, my baby was not enjoy the colustrum which is very important for him. This kind of practice that should have been out of the hospital long time ago.
Fortunately, after few years working for maternal health, I am now able to identify which hospital serve a better environment and which is not. I also know can determine the cause of sensitiveness during pregnancy and able ~~at least theoritically~~ to think and find a solution to uncomfortable situation. Maybe if I experience a pregnancy again the situation will be different? Dunno.