Meg asked me, do you not missed your old days when you are travelling around the nation and backpacking out? I said, even thinking about going to Singapore already exhaust me. Gee.
I remember those old days when I spend morning and evening on flight. Morning one hour or two hours flight to some place than evening return flight to home. I travel to airport almost everyday. I remember those old days when I spend two or three months away from home due to works. When I looked into some picture that I took with those old pocket digital camera, I remember that I can spent whole day exploring the city or the rural and sleep on the bus or train going to another place. Somehow I want to go back bring my new camera to redo the picture. But, no, just thinking about it already makes me feels uneasy.
How I can be change like that? Dunno.
Last year I carefully talked into my husband to send my message to the church committee. I really don’t want to be the children ministries coordinator. Back then, taking care of children is my passion, I taught them craft, I taught them sing and music, I told them stories. I can understand them easily and communicate with them, talk to them and laugh with them. I was well known for my skills to teach children, even the younger ones. I just enjoy it and like to do it.
But now, thinking that I have to just teach them to sing already painful to me. Something is wrong with me. I don’t teach them lots of craft anymore. Before I will compile files of craft to do anytime. Lots of material. Now, I just taught them to draw and color it. Geeh. No imagination. Rite. That’s how bored I am now.
How I can be change like that? Dunno.
In a time of five years, I had changes position at least 4 times in 2 different departments. I experience 2 times re-structure of departments.
I was in Curriculum and Professional Development Office as a Technical Assistant. Then, the department change into Learning Office and I became a Learning Assistant. Then the department redundant and I move to Human Resources. I started as Human Resources and Learning Officer, now I am Housing Coordinator. Our department had changed its manager, one of team member had resigned, we had one in-the-middle team member who not passed probation period, and add more team-member. Imagine that!
Housing itself is never be a boring items. Never a day come without new challenge or new matters to settle. As an HR person, I should look into people’s matter (related to their housing) more than the physical or technical matter. Their house can be good, can be bad, can be nice, can be broken, but the most important is their feeling towards it. I learned that though the house is completely nice and everything provided, if they don’t feel at home, they will find something to complaint. I learned that though the house is worn out and dark, when they love if they won’t complain. The weird is when they love the house and choose it themselves but still complaint about it haha.
I talked to people all the time. Those who need new housing, those who have breakdown in their house, those who need assistance about their neighborhood, the owner of the houses with requests, owner of the houses without request. Owner of the houses who is not willing to pay for breakdown, owner of the houses who is not willing not pay small bank charges, owner of the houses who wants to take care everything and owner of the houses who doesn’t care of anything. I collaborated with other departments, I sit in a meeting with them to discuss things for better solution, never a day that I just work with myself.
When I was not in Human Resources department, I keep complained of the manager who acted not human. Now that I am inside, I had the fear that people may thing the same way about me. As I am a logic person (that Dani kept says only have high IQ with zero EQ) and a straight forward character, I may ended up being judged of acted not human. With that fear, whenever I handle a problem, I asked myself, what way I use? Logical approach or people approach. When most of the approach is logical one, I feel frustrated that I cant never makes people happy. When I feel frustrated I suddenly get tired and came advice from a colleague and friends: breath, at the end, though you are so care about your work and with passion does it perfectly, in your deathbed it will only your family around and those is what only matters. Indeed.
Never dull moments? No fuss.
I always think my son is grow up too fast. Feel like yesterday he is a toddler who asked for milk, a little boy with clean face and spike hair who crying every Saturday fighting with another boy in church. He is now almost 14. A teenager in means. He is not longer cling to his parents all the time though he is not really into friendship gang. He physically taller than me, bigger hands and feet and with talents. He is good in drawing like when he was little, but now the drawing more has meaning other than just creation of monster like creature. He is good in music – I taught him piano and violin. He played saxophone and possibilities still wide.
I do enjoy the time when we grows together. From a little baby he became a young teenager, and from a young woman a became a matured lady. I lost my energy bit by bit, when I was young I can sleepless for two days and still able to stand still and concentrate on a work. Now, even if I lack a few hours sleep, I wont be functioned well in the morning. When I was younger, I can spend half day on the field, walk from one village to another remote village in the mountain. Now, just to walk from one house to another house in the same housing complex already exhaust me. When I was younger, I can swim, run, do round of outbound just in one day. Now, just half hour run more than enough to burn my energy. When those times happened to me, my son grows in energy. He who was tired just for one block walk, now can run for an hour and still feel okay. He who got irritated if he happened to sleep late in the night, now can endure lack of sleeps well. He who wants milk to favor his sadness now handle his emotion well. Not easily discourage, not easily disappointed.
The more I see him each day, the more I am thankful to God for giving me this life. The more I cant understand why people like to ignore their children. I saw lots of people who only busy feeding their children, 3 meals a day, breakfast lunch and dinner. They angry at their children for children’s mistake but not praising them for achievements. They send their children to courses or hire a private tutor. Do they enjoy the grows-together time? I doubt. I saw many children grown up like uneducated person. They don’t behave and people hates them because they are too naughty. Does their parents care? I doubt. The parents became old with grudge and wrinkles while their children grows up became trouble. I many times feel sad seeing those character but unable to do anything to change it as people’s family matter should not be my concern.
Yeah, let’s enjoy mine myself
I am kind of person who tend not to believe in “blue blood”. My bestfriend Dani is. I believe, if people had received sufficient amount of certain level of education, we can put them in an expected class. For instance, those high school graduate only will expected to have limited abilities, those with bachelor degree expected to extend their knowledge and wisdom, master degree holder should be looking in a bigger frame and doctoral degree holder should think beyond the box.
Dani believes that some people, no matter how much money they made and how much upgrade to their living they had, can’t hide the fact that they was born in the dumpster. Dani believes that some people born in aristocrat family, no matter how poor and how low their position in the society won’t be able to hide their dignity.
The longer I live more I realized that my theoretical believe is not practical as I meet more people don’t meet expectation than otherwise. Yet, I still in it. In that way, when I meet new people, I value them by their educational background, their skills and their experience, their talent and their wisdom. I don’t judge people by what they wear, what brand they carry or what car they drive. I don’t care of what family they are from, the technocrat or aristocrat, rich or poor. Look at Jesus Christ. He recruited his first 12 disciples from the lowest class in the society. Fisherman. If you are a teacher or trader, you may come in the middle class, able to read and to count. If you a governor or tax collector you may come in a higher rank as you must be rich. But fisherman? Though it is true that being a fisherman need some specific skills, no school in this world who will certified people with fisherman diploma. The first 11 disciples most probably illiterate, makes the existence of Jude needs in the team. But looks what happened! Christianity never faded though the foundation of this religion lied by these uneducated people.
But I have an experience that given me a shock and like-it-or-not I had to agree to Dani’s theory of blue blood. I tried to hold my anger when found out that one of our close friend suddenly change. From being reliable to completely ignorant. From being teamwork player to be a solo player. From being cheery and funny to being cynical and exclusive.
In the past, we’ve been through some relationship spike. From being don’t like each other, to become tolerate each other, to become communicating well with each other, and suddenly cold for no clear reason. I expect this friend to be mature enough to distinguish between professionalism and childish act, to act mature with common sense other than being too sensitive. But she just can’t. When I don’t have patience.
Dani’s theory comes as the answer. As this friend came from a poor family there is something she can’t really change. The realization that this world doesn’t revolve around our ego-centrism never came to her as money does matter. She can’t understand why we are being cool about kind of things and accept financial changes well no matter profit or loss. She is unable to understand and will never able to no matter what as values about life always connected with financial status. She might value people by their money too and felt inferior surrounded by the-have. Though to me it is not right, still there is nothing I can do to change her mindset.
We cant choose our family right? But we can choose our friend. I may not be better that her, perhaps not right either yet I can’t accept the change.
I think I had this famous quote as title of my post some while ago but don’t remember when.
So, on Sunday, we were travelling quite far to the other side of the city. We need to pay respect to the family of one of our uncle that suddenly passed away the night before. We arrived there, sit, talk and after two hours we went home. As we drive out the housing complex, I came with an idea. Why don’t we visit our house 6 years ago, as it is in this area. Not every day we can go. My husband like the idea and he drove us way to the road we used to use back then.
Lots has change of course. As we passed by, I point to a restaurant we used to eat and remember how our son’s is really like the fish culinary there. I point to a clinic where I and my son used to visit for our dental care. My husband point to a small alley where he remember this family and that family lived before but now move or still in. Goes all way to our ex-house.
The housing complex looks the same, but not the same. Something had missing but I can’t tell what. Same old house that never had tenant stood in the same place. Another old house put on sale from about ten years ago, still on sale. Our ex-home was renovated and looks weird, at least to our taste. The new owner decorated it with wooden javanese thing perhaps to give traditional spirit but yet it lost the simple means. The other house next to ours which usually was my best partner to take care of my son looks rotten like nobody had lived there for few years. I wonder if the family had moved out. I just lost contact with them. One and others and more memories came back and flooded us with feeling of grateful.
One best memories to our son is the martabak. This special culinary he never tastes any ever better than what we bought in this place before. Guess what. The vendor is now selling from his new outlet. He still remembers my husband and few talks about these 6 years development were exchanged.
My husband never stop saying how good he felt. How happy he is because he can return to this place. When we reached home, we told our son of our journey and give me the martabak he likes. He looked at the food as grumpily asked: “Why don’t you bring me along?”
We will be back again son.
I read the quote in Pinterest, said This is time for you to stop crossing the ocean for people who won’t even jump a puddle for you. Gee, that’s exactly what I felt sometimes ago. I had crossed the stormy ocean for some people in the last church I served. But others than felt saved, they cursed and prayed for my unluckyness (I believe). They were (and are) not happy to hear that I am fine and good, expect to hear that I am sad and sick! I should have forgive them and forget them, but still some feeling carried away until now.
Same thing in the office thing. I feel like I had to stop crossing the ocean for this fellow team member. He never thankful enough by showing a goodwill, otherwise he kept on throw things back to my desk, acted like he was a victim of war by carried around a long face, never willing to take ownership of the work and letting me to handle things. I don’t mind as long as the work come out well, but I do mind knowing that his payroll is more than me.
Salary is a big thing for me. I learn some of the people in the office are not confident, and throwing burden to me as I proven to be able to handle situation. I learn some of the people unwilling to take ownership and blame everything back to their bosses who doesn’t know they are not functioning. I learn when these people receive the same figure as me or even more, I did much more work. Not only workload, but also decision-wise. Doesn’t fair, of course. I wish there is something I can do to make it fairer…listen to the quote is kind of good idea. These people doesn’t even wiling to jump the puddle for me, why I should care? Strike!
December is here, time for happiness, party and glory. I decide to sit back, as most of the work I’ve done this year comes out well. I feel this is the very first time I can completely proud of my own effort, that people in my team really appreciate me and accept me as I am. I won’t let anything disturb the peace.
Time to stop crossing the ocean.
What I call reward is this.
Big boss once acknowledged my hard work. When we had a small meeting, me, supervisor and him, he told me directly: I would like to say it again, that your hard work is really good. I do appreciate that. Wow number one. I knew big boss told everyone that if the quality of work is this good, next year he doesn’t have to do inspection himself and just let me handle it. I knew he told everyone he never saw things as tidy with high rate of satisfaction. Hear him says the word makes me jump in happiness.
Big trust. I am happy. Telling everyone, good sign.
I am working with another boss. Boss told me: I would like to thank you for your hard work to put these system in place. This result won’t never be the same without your intervention. Now that we had system, everybody is happy and you got their respect. I would like to apologize to put you in such trouble because of the incompentency of my team. Wow number two. I knew he told his team over and over how they had to follow me, they had to listen to me and praise me when the team get scolded :P He took my success as a case study for presentation to management and in a very short time my achievement is popular.
Listen to those words and experience the acknowledgement made me forget the pain. The night when I can’t sleep well because there are too many things is inside my head. The noon when I skipped my lunch because I had to run to different houses to give different instructions and make assessment. The long hours I spent in the office to make plans. The long hours I spent in front of my computer to ensure all data necessary updated. The pain in my feet because I have to walk all day long from one house to another house, to one room to another room. The pain in my back because even after working hours, I am still typing the reply to my tons of emails. The stress when I got tons of complaint and request…
Ready for the wow number three?