I read the quote in Pinterest, said This is time for you to stop crossing the ocean for people who won’t even jump a puddle for you. Gee, that’s exactly what I felt sometimes ago. I had crossed the stormy ocean for some people in the last church I served. But others than felt saved, they cursed and prayed for my unluckyness (I believe). They were (and are) not happy to hear that I am fine and good, expect to hear that I am sad and sick! I should have forgive them and forget them, but still some feeling carried away until now.
Same thing in the office thing. I feel like I had to stop crossing the ocean for this fellow team member. He never thankful enough by showing a goodwill, otherwise he kept on throw things back to my desk, acted like he was a victim of war by carried around a long face, never willing to take ownership of the work and letting me to handle things. I don’t mind as long as the work come out well, but I do mind knowing that his payroll is more than me.
Salary is a big thing for me. I learn some of the people in the office are not confident, and throwing burden to me as I proven to be able to handle situation. I learn some of the people unwilling to take ownership and blame everything back to their bosses who doesn’t know they are not functioning. I learn when these people receive the same figure as me or even more, I did much more work. Not only workload, but also decision-wise. Doesn’t fair, of course. I wish there is something I can do to make it fairer…listen to the quote is kind of good idea. These people doesn’t even wiling to jump the puddle for me, why I should care? Strike!
December is here, time for happiness, party and glory. I decide to sit back, as most of the work I’ve done this year comes out well. I feel this is the very first time I can completely proud of my own effort, that people in my team really appreciate me and accept me as I am. I won’t let anything disturb the peace.
Time to stop crossing the ocean.
What I call reward is this.
Big boss once acknowledged my hard work. When we had a small meeting, me, supervisor and him, he told me directly: I would like to say it again, that your hard work is really good. I do appreciate that. Wow number one. I knew big boss told everyone that if the quality of work is this good, next year he doesn’t have to do inspection himself and just let me handle it. I knew he told everyone he never saw things as tidy with high rate of satisfaction. Hear him says the word makes me jump in happiness.
Big trust. I am happy. Telling everyone, good sign.
I am working with another boss. Boss told me: I would like to thank you for your hard work to put these system in place. This result won’t never be the same without your intervention. Now that we had system, everybody is happy and you got their respect. I would like to apologize to put you in such trouble because of the incompentency of my team. Wow number two. I knew he told his team over and over how they had to follow me, they had to listen to me and praise me when the team get scolded He took my success as a case study for presentation to management and in a very short time my achievement is popular.
Listen to those words and experience the acknowledgement made me forget the pain. The night when I can’t sleep well because there are too many things is inside my head. The noon when I skipped my lunch because I had to run to different houses to give different instructions and make assessment. The long hours I spent in the office to make plans. The long hours I spent in front of my computer to ensure all data necessary updated. The pain in my feet because I have to walk all day long from one house to another house, to one room to another room. The pain in my back because even after working hours, I am still typing the reply to my tons of emails. The stress when I got tons of complaint and request…
Ready for the wow number three?
How long has it been? Seem like thousand years. Thousand years ago , I sat miserably in my desk, underpaid and struggling. At that time I think to myself that it will be real lucky if I can be promoted one level.
Now, I sit in another desk. I was not only promoted one level, but three level up, with possibility for more.
Am I that good?
I always think that I am THAT good. This afternoon in a department meeting, people has to shoot a word of two about my strength and my weakness. Most if not all of them call me smart. A hardworking person with knowledge and willingness to learn. I was called a fast learner who turn something impossible into possibilities. I was called a multitalented person with straightforward speak and honesty. Those words all WOW for me.
I knew they will say that because all these years I worked hard to make myself like that, But what happen to the JUTEK? The un-social person, the one never smile or greets good morning. What happen to the rude and cruel person? The one that nobody likes? Is she ever exist? Or she was transformed?
I NEVER transformed. Still JUTEK, still rude and cruel to people who doesn’t know me, still never smile and never greets good morning. These people who told me those words has seen the REAL me. This face or appearance or what-so-called casing is not affecting their judgement.
They also not scared telling me my weaknesses bluntly. They told me I think too much *let’s act now. I need the word tolerance in my dictionary *difficult word for me. I have to realize that being right is not everything but work together is the more important *Hiras and my Dad said the same things.
Wohoo. Nothing such, no manner, straight face, too quiet, not kind etcetera? Are we talking about a same person here?
This is strange. Really. After years listen to those labels from my mom, from the church member, from relatives, from neighbors, I don’t prepare for this. I always wish people accept me as I am but I don’t know that I got surprised myself when it happened.
This is me.
I dont really understand myself this lately. I was just came back from a vacation, but now really feel I need one.
I was in my success path in work, but I feel depressed when reading my emails. Our big boss praised me high on my work performance and when introduce the team he formally introduce me as the leader of the team. I was really confident on myself at that time.
But two days after that, now, I want to go buy a ticket and run away. I cant sleep well at night and in the day the inside of my head is banging hard.
Rain, shower me now, pour my head for refreshing…
I questioning myself about love this lately. Is my definitions right? Apparently not.
Back in year 2008, somewhere among the temples in Angkor, I made a promise to myself and to God, that I won’t hate my mom anymore. Many years before that, I can’t really get along with her. If not of our similar face, I would think I was adopted.
I can’t accept her ego, I can’t understand her thirst of money, I don’t like her habit that always talked too much and exposing her shallow knowledge, I am against her thought that proud and underestimating others and I can’t forgive her judgements towards me.
Among her judgements are: I am never pretty, I am ugly, I won’t never met a good man that likes me, I am fat, I am too quiet, I am un-sociable, I won’t never success with my career because I don’t like to smile and nobody likes me because of my straight forward habit.
Five years then after 2008, I realize that I never forgive her. I don’t avoid her, I don’t make comments to whatever she does, but I didn’t completely removed the bitternes in my heart. I can’t love her or accept her as she is. I still shut my heart, my ears and blocking my brain when she is around. I still think she is not wise and don’t like her ways. Sighing, sighing, sighing.
In Wiang Kum Kan, two weeks ago, I made another promise to myself and to God, to try to love her. Today, I realize it will be a hard narrow path for me as I also realize, forgiving and forgetting is not my strongest talent.
Two months rolling over fast with its pain and problems. Now, it is almost hitting the end line. How happy I’ll be when this all over?
Our team consist with 4 people including the manager who also oversee of other works related. At the beginning of the year, when I was still learning and adjusting, I didn’t really mind when this particular one co-workers keep asking me to decide on things. But, then, when the load getting higher and I have to focus on my specific responsibilities, I can’t bear it anymore. There where the conflict start. When I asked him to inspect several houses, he rejected and made complaints and request for additional people for help. I ended up doing the inspection myself! And worse to that, second and third inspection up to final, I ended up just by myself. He then apparent to do something else but later *today, he messed the perfect work that I did. Can I be angry?
He messed up with arrangement that I did by making his own arrangement. He answered email confusedly and caused conflict. It is really difficult to make him understand the nature of coordination and teamwork. Through meetings, even I had been really harsh and flat, he still can’t get it. Sigh.
Fortunately, the outcome is really good by a praise comes from the big boss himself. He satisfy with my selection of house, he praised the condition of it and even thinks that next year he will fully rely on me.
What is also good things I should note here also, Finance Manager who usually had no confident in me now totally change. She knows I work honestly with high ethic and seriously put quality first. Now, money is not so a problems anymore.
It is always good when all efforts, sweats, tears, long hours and tiredness paid off.
Even from early this week I already feel like living in somewhat crazy factory. Problems line-up in my inbox like no end. I was always exhausted come home everyday after a hectic day full of conflicts, meetings and never ending problems. I know working in this kind of real-time service work frame is somewhat will trying my peaceful nerve, I expected to be a sane head to keep the customer happy, I prepared for grumpy and high toned conversation but really I don’t prepare for conflict with my fellow office colleagues.
Since the beginning of my job, some people already not enthusiastic. They said: We’ve been doing this many many years and over and over, we don’t understand why we should let her do this differently. They also said: Our method is the best one as it is low price. I don’t dare to say anything at the beginning, but eventually with the same saying again again toward my big boss during meetings, I once told them straight. You know what? Things are problematic now because you or other person before me didn’t do it as expected. They certainly not doing their job! *Sharp teeth.
They know that is true but still grumpily complain to my boss or big boss. Fortunately big boss really confident to me and back me up all the way in all matters. Whenever there are conflict.
Once, I negotiate with a landlord not to raise their price too much and waive their duty to pay notarial. I talk to my boss about that and they agree with me as that’s sound as a best strategy toward this special landlord. Finance against it and keep telling me to tell them to pay. Big boss said, we pay and period. No further comment.
Unfortunately, I was away when signing time. I got a report later that Finance still force the landlord to pay the notarial fee. Sigh. And to avoid problem, the broker decide to pay it, as the amount of the money is not much. It is only a way to show that we would like to cooperate and keep good long term relationship.
I always keep my timeline well. No deadlines passed without I succeessfully done before it. But, those people in Finance of their no confidence toward my work, keep on nagging and complaining — to my big boss — If they can’t really find my fault according to timeline, they complain my fault regarding some un-faulty things in my documentation or correspondence *if I do it differently doesn’t mean it is wrong*
One day when I was tired handling those, I just scream out loud HYAAAAA. This old fashion method really doesn’t suit me and habit to look into people fault certainly doesn’t fit me.
But, out of those pain and headache, I know I had such a great big-boss who always back me up. Not Hyaa here but YEEESSS.